Gary sped down the freeway going nearly thirty over the speed limit. "Hungry Like a Wolf" blared over the speakers of the police van he had stolen the day before. He licked his hand and slicked back his greasy brown hair trying to keep it from falling into his eyes.
Why did they never play music for me? Waste of tax money to have a Bose sound system and not even use it. If my money goes to Bose systems, I should be able to make requests for songs. Public indecency shouldn't prohibit me from enjoying good music.
Gary switched the channel to a smooth jazz station and tapped his finger on the wheel in time with the hi-hat.
Tsss da da Tsss da da Tsss Tsss Tsss
His eyes started to droop as the saxophone began to lull him to sleep. He quickly switched the knob back to the oldies rock station. He sipped on a red bull and sang along with the radio. He was entering the twelfth hour of his thirty-six-hour cross-country road trip. He had planned on taking his own car, that was registered under a fake name, but found that his trunk did not meet the size requirements for his hefty load. This forced him to get creative.
He had parked his car on the street of the downtown bar strip. He used a payphone to call the police and told them a massive fight had broken out inside the Black Box Bar. The bar vindicated its name by blacking out its windows to make day drinkers feel less ashamed. As the police wagon pulled up, Gary waited till the officers ran into the bar before making his move. He secured his load into the back of the van then hopped into the driver's seat where the officers had left the keys in the ignition.
Thank you, Officer McDonald, for your generosity, it will not go unnoticed, even if you get demoted for having your police wagon stolen...
Gary continued down highway I-80 singing away, occasionally blaring the siren just for his own amusement. He rolled down his window and stuck his head out, feeling the warm summer's night air smack him in the face. Everything he had been working toward was finally falling into place. This was everything.
The fun is just about to begin. Oh! Let the games begin!
Gary's thoughts were cut off by the distant ringing of a cell phone. He pulled his head back into the van, rolled up his window, and flipped off the radio. He reached into his own pocket was furious to find the sound was not coming from his own phone. He slammed the breaks and skidded to the side of the freeway.
He hopped out of the car and scurried to the back. A cloud of humidity caused his shirt to stick to his skin.
Now I'm going to feel gross for the rest of the trip, great, just great.
He grabbed the handle, threw open the swinging doors of the trunk and looked at the prisoner sitting on the bench, mouth gagged, both hands chained to the top handlebar.
Beep Beep Beep
"How on earth did you manage to sneak a phone with you?" Gary asked as he climbed into the trunk. "How did you even get a phone?" The captive wildly kicked at Gary as he tried to approach him. Gary jumped back out of the car and scurried to the driver's seat.
Hasn't he learned?
Gary scampered to the back of the wagon again this time with a metal rod. As the captive kicked again, Gary swung the rod and felt the loud crunching of a shin as he connected with the flailing leg.
"I'm sorry I had to do that, can I reach into your pocket?" The other leg flailed at Gary, so he swung the rod again this time, hitting with a cheek. The cheekbone drooped down as the captive's head dropped.
Oh.
Gary climbed in and used two fingers to check the pulse. He was relieved to find that his hit had not been fatal. That would've ruined everything. Out of curiosity, he used both his hands to feel the sagging cheek he had just hit.
Feels kind of like cottage cheese.
He reached into the captive's back pocket, retrieved the phone, and pulled it up to his ear.
"You've been chosen to go on an extended vacation to the Bahamas. Does that sound nice?" the voice on the phone asked.
Gary paused, "Yes... It sounds very nice."
"Press one if you'd like to speak to an operator."
He turned and threw the phone as far as he could off the side of the highway, watching it disappear into the night.
I wouldn't have time anyway.
Gary slammed the swinging wagon doors shut and scurried to the driver's seat. He licked his hand and ran his fingers through his hair.
The fun's just beginning, do da do da do da, it's just beginning, do da do da do da!